A CULTURE OF ONE

Culture is the aggregate values, attitudes, and customs of a group of people. It represents the typical patterns of thought and behavior. Culture is powerful: it is the context we interact with and draw information from. However, we blow that power out of proportion when we treat it as prescriptive rather than descriptive, as a norm that we must embody rather than a summation that we contribute to uniquely. That is how we change culture: by contributing better patterns of thought and behavior to the aggregate.

There is zero sense in trying to conform to a muddle of contradictory values, attitudes, and customs. We must reason through our values; our values ought to be based squarely on what we believe is good and true. We must refine our attitudes to align with those values, and we must establish customs to help us pursue our objectives. These are things that we cannot simply go along with; they hinge upon our beliefs about right and wrong and our visions for who we want to be. By thinking through our beliefs and trying to live accordingly, we develop a consistent set of values, attitudes, and customs. We create a culture unto ourselves, a culture of one. A tested and refined culture of one will become more consistent and more practical than the muddled aggregate.

How is a culture of one practical? In three ways. First, it helps you make better decisions faster. To make nonprogrammed decisions, most people have to weigh attitudes they can’t explain against opinions they don’t believe and values they haven’t committed to. People with consistent cultures of one have reconciled their beliefs, values, and attitudes and, therefore, can bypass much of that internal conflict. Most people follow trends, social groups, and influencers because they have not determined for themselves what is good and meaningful. People with cultures of one have committed to values and, therefore, can base their decisions on something solid.

Second, a culture of one helps you make a difference in the world. When you commit to values, deliberately incorporating them into your life, you gradually bring your life into line with that commitment. If you commit to honesty, for example, you start noticing when you aren’t honest and start refining your behavior. When you consistently make decisions based on your values, you represent, even embody, those values. While most people chase acceptance or affirmation, people with strong cultures advance social objectives consistent with their values. An objective consistent with honesty might be to become someone that people can be honest with.

Third, a culture of one helps you develop a better lifestyle. Everyone’s body is different. Most people have figured that out. They aren’t surprised anymore by someone following a special diet to deal with allergies or special routine to overcome a health condition. They understand that what works for them may not work for someone else. People aren’t so understanding, however, when it comes to the brain. When people swear by practices like mindfulness or positive visualization, we think they’re weird. Those practices are weird, but the brain is weird too. Just as everyone’s body is different, everyone’s brain is different. People have to make special efforts to deal with the idiosyncrasies of their brains. That doesn’t mean someone else’s weird practice will solve your problems, but you should probably find some way to manage your weird brain, even if it’s a weird way. People with cultures of one don’t do what everyone else does; they do what works for them.

We can make our cultures of one work for us by establishing customized rules, rituals, and customs. We establish rules to avoid bad decisions. Often, we make decisions in gray areas, where each option’s mixture of pros and cons seems equivalent to our untrained minds. The more refined our values in a particular sphere—relationships, finances, work, health, housekeeping, etc.—the less gray area in that sphere. No two people deal with exactly the same gray areas. We set a rule that aligns with our values at the threshold of a gray area. That way, we can make decisions based on our values as much as possible and rely on the rule where our values fall short. As we continue to refine our values, learning to divide more of the gray area into right and wrong, we shift our rule to the new threshold.

The purpose of a rule is to stop you from doing something you think is wrong. Whenever you do something you think is wrong, you tell your brain it’s not wrong. You blur your values and weaken your willpower. Maybe you think it’s wrong to scroll through social media when you’re supposed to be working, so you establish a rule to help you avoid that pitfall: you have to keep your phone out of reach while working. Maybe you think it’s wrong to spend all of the money you make, so you make a budget—a set of rules—to make sure that you save a particular amount each week. Establishing a rule for yourself can help you stay true to your conscience.

Rules stop you from doing what you think is wrong; rituals push you to do what you think is right. Maybe you think you should get in shape. You might establish a ritual of going for a jog every Tuesday and Thursday. Maybe you think you should practice a hobby when you get home from work instead of just sitting in front of the television. You might establish a ritual of practicing your hobby for half an hour before you allow yourself to watch anything.

If you break one of your rules or rituals, commit to it again right away. See if you can hold to it longer than the last time. You can empower your rules and rituals by imposing consequences on yourself for breaking them. The consequences have to be healthy and have to push you toward your values. Maybe, if you catch yourself lying, you force yourself to donate a predetermined amount to your favorite charity. The consequence is good because you want to be more generous, anyway. Maybe, if you find yourself scrolling through social media when you think you shouldn’t, you don’t allow yourself to buy coffee the next day. The consequence is good because you can make coffee at home and want to save more money. Your consequences have to be harsh enough to deter you from breaking your rule but not so harsh that you won’t fulfill them.

Customs are patterns of behavior for particular situations: greetings, traditions, social strategies, etc. Because of their customs, cultures elevate some roles and pastimes over others and favor certain styles of art, architecture, and apparel. Customs can be beautiful things that set one people group apart from another. Or they can be ugly things that produce dysfunctional cycles and all too accurate stereotypes. Embrace the good customs of the society you live in and the people you come from, but discard or replace the bad customs. If “How are you doing?” never leads to a meaningful conversation, why not try a new greeting? If the attire of your peers doesn’t reflect your values, why not develop a better style for yourself? Establishing a custom might require trial-and-error—you might look silly at first—but that’s how you learn what works and what doesn’t.

We can use customs to combat negativity and mundanity. If your colleagues spend the day complaining, why not try practicing being thankful for the good aspects of your job or for the little things that go right during the day? If you tend to spend your commute frustrated with traffic, why not try thinking through the lyrics of the songs in your playlist? Simple strategies and traditions can inject positivity or meaning into the mundane.

Good cultures of one are built on truth. If the beliefs that our cultures are built upon do not match reality, then our cultures won’t work in reality. Luckily, we don’t have to get it right the first time. Discovering truth and incorporating it into your life is an ongoing, lifelong process. It’s good to seek wise counsel, test arguments against logic, and be humble about your assumptions, but don’t be afraid to mess up: trial-and-error is often the only way to test our beliefs. Develop a good culture of one and contribute positively to the aggregate.