WHY RESOLUTIONS FAIL

None of my friends or family members made specific New Year’s Resolutions for 2023. That surprised me. Surveys show that most people don’t make resolutions anymore. That’s a shame. Everyone has failed or given up on a resolution at some point in their lives, and everyone has made or heard of unrealistic resolutions. The tradition has come to represent failure for many people, but why do resolutions fail? Here are four reasons:

1. Cognitive Dissonance

If you aren’t fully convinced that your goal is moving you in the right direction, you won’t fully pursue it. Maybe you want to try sticking to a diet, but you’re not sure which one would be best for you. You’ll cheat without a second thought because you have no faith in the rules. Constrain your goal to what you are fully convinced of. Instead of a whole diet, it might be a few simple guidelines like “Drink no more than one soda a week" or "Get fast food no more than once a month.”

2. Bad Goals

Any goal that is outside of your control is a bad goal. “I’m going to be in a relationship by the end of the year” is a really bad goal because it depends on another person and doesn’t provide clear steps to take. A much better goal would be something like “I’m going to talk to at least one person of the opposite sex each month.” You can walk up to someone and spew words. That’s within your control. “I’m going to be able to run an 8-minute mile by April” is a bad goal because you don’t know how long it will realistically take to achieve it. Consider instead “I’m going run every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.” You can control how you spend your time; you can’t control the countless factors that influence the result.

Any goal that gets in the way of your responsibilities or values is a bad goal. The goal of running every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday could be a bad goal if one of those days is already crowded with responsibilities. In that case, you would have to take a serious look at where your time is going. The goal to “Get fast food no more than once a month” could be a bad goal if hanging out during lunch breaks is the best way to keep up with your friends. Your resolutions must harmonize with your responsibilities and values.

3. Lack of Preparation

You can’t go from 0 to 100. You can’t change from one routine to another overnight. Make a plan, test your plan, adjust your plan, get everything you need to complete your plan, and then, finally, execute your plan. Before you commit to practicing an instrument every weekday, try it for a week. Did you remember to practice? Is it something you actually want to do? Did you have enough time for your other responsibilities? You might decide to practice longer but less often so that you can take your time with it. You might put your instrument in a more convenient place and print out the songs you want to learn so that it’s easier to pick it up and play.

One of my resolutions for 2023 is to journal every day. Before this year, I had never kept a journal, so I knew I needed to prepare myself. Leading up to New Year’s Day, I decided what journal I was going to write in, what pen I was going to use, and where I was going to put the journal so I would remember to write in it. I wrote an entry two days before New Year’s to figure out what format I would follow and to see how much time it would take. That preparation allowed me to transition into the new routine seamlessly.

4. No Plan for Failure

You are going to fail. That’s okay. You are going to say the bad word you’re trying to get out of your vocabulary or miss the time you set aside for reading. What are you going to do when you fail? That’s the question. Don’t give up, and don’t beat yourself up. Instead, learn from your failure. Ask yourself why you failed and how you can avoid the same mistake in the future. So many things in life can only be learned through trial and error. They can only be learned through failure. There is no other way.

Summary

You must be fully convinced that your resolutions are good. Identify the steps you can realistically take toward your resolutions and make sure those steps are fully within your control. Take the time to test your new practices and prepare to implement them. Most importantly, plan for failure. You have to be able to learn from failure and pick yourself back up afterward.