This one’s personal. I’ve always been a student of psychology, so I’ve known almost everything about how I tick for most of my life. Nevertheless, I doubted myself. Self-doubt kept me from leaning into my strengths and addressing my weaknesses. This year keeps on silencing those doubts. I’ve been able to accept myself fully for the first time.
Now to address those weaknesses. I wrote “Mental Remodel” as a blueprint for my mental health goals. The poem is about taking control of my headspace rather than allowing neuroticism, anxiety, and sleep deprivation to have their way with me.

Mental Remodel

I have to lose this muddled mind,
my soul buried below old me’s
mad cravings to control all things.
I couldn’t leave the pride behind,
believing it maturity,
until tasting the peace truth brings.
 
Shut up, neurosis, time to die.
No more rehearsing what to say.
Don’t fix problems which don’t exist.
Science and Scripture I’ll apply.
Second-guessing will no more weigh
on me like suffocating mist.
 
I can’t let nighttime steal my light.
I can’t let sleep deprivation
welcome apathy, smother joy,
or fan anger for futile fights.
It separates will from action—
another piece I must destroy.
 
Awareness, reach for what is sweet
and true throughout this troubled world.
You step away but don’t shut down
when things get loud or students cheat.
When worthless thoughts begin to whirl,
embrace the beauty all around.
 
Heart, oh heart, you’re in no danger.
There’s no need to mask your feelings.
Let down the walls and look within.
Your hand is holding the dagger.
Release the glum and golden streams.
Restraining your design is sin.
 
I call the demolition crew.
Clear out the doubt and confusion;
I’m remodeling my headspace.
A writer’s desk with forest view;
a chapel for faithful vision.
Let plots and prayers fill the place.
 
Read more poetry here >>