IT'S A PARTY OUT THERE

Do you mind if I go out with me tonight?
To play the games, taste the treats, and see the sights?
It takes all my focus just to sense,
and you deserve me fully present.
So go on; enjoy the fun and fellowship.
Though I want to be at your side forever,
I know to smile and wave from the corner,
watching from another dimension,
trying to choose the best course of action.
Give me a second to think to my thoughts:
“One at a time, please.”
“I already addressed these.”
“No, not now. Not fear too!”
“I told you before: That’s not true.”
“Stop. Stop. Quiet! SHUT UP!”
Give me a second more to scourge up clarity.
I don’t have enough to enjoy your brownie.
Do you mind if I take it home for Sunday?
I beg for an emotion and pause to pray.
A daydream appears that I deem hilarious,
and my imaginary friend agrees, giggling.
She goads me, holds me, patently listening
to all the things I’m too late to mention,
too far behind the group’s conversation.
My brain’s already trying to shut down.
Before it kicks the body into fight-or-flight,
I trick it into thinking it’s alright.
“Don’t mask the pain; wear it righteous and plain
You know the ego is always to blame.”
I’m explaining faith to a new acquaintance.
I would have come for nothing but this.
I’ve learned that serving others is certain bliss
and even broken vessels can leak God’s love.
Though I cannot feel connected to community,
I see beauty in the hearts that surround me.
I’m an alien in the world and alone in my soul.
I clutch my skull and plug my ears, panting,
so I can sit by the stream I’m envisioning.
Far from the moment, it’s an exclusive date
until it’s time to depart at a quarter to eight.
Oh, God, please get me home safe.