THE IMPOSSIBLE TEST

“Apply everything you learned yesterday,” Onyx instructed when they got to the office. He watched William for the entire workday, undercover at one of the empty desks. William didn’t feel stressed by the scrutiny, though. He was focused on maintaining a positive focus and succeeded fifty percent of the time.

After clocking out, he spent a few minutes chatting with Dave. His Friendsgiving was coming up this weekend, and Dave wanted to make sure he had everything he needed. William found Onyx waiting by the car back in his coat and mask.

“What did you do well? And what did you struggle with?”

“I appreciated my team, especially Dave.” William paused, backing out of the parking space. “I didn’t struggle. There’s a lot I can do better, but these are new thoughts for me. It’s going to take time to integrate them into my lifestyle.”

Onyx pulled his small notebook out of his coat. “Turn right.”

Left would’ve been toward the gym and toward home, but William stopped. He waited for the next gap and then turned right.

“You’re taking me back to the node,” Onyx explained in that dismissive tone. “We’re done.”

“What about your stuff?”

“I loaded everything in the trunk this morning.”

“Okay.” William put the address into his GPS before asking the burning question: “Did I pass?”

“We’ll tally the scores when we get there.”

“If I fail, I can try again after four hundred days, right? Would you have to come out again?”

“It would be a different arbiter, and the second time works a little differently.” Onyx barely looked up from his notebook during the drive, writing and thumbing through pages.

Three members were at the node when they arrived. William recognized the frail girl, Madelyn. “Good luck!” she said. The other two were strangers to him.

Onyx closed the office door behind them. He dropped into the chair behind the desk, spinning to face the computer monitor in the same motion. He clicked around for a minute and then propped open his notebook and started plugging in data. He was breathing heavily.

William waited in silence.

Onyx’s mask came off, revealing tear-stained cheeks. “Seventy-eight.” He dried his eyes with a purple rag. “Where do you want your brand?”

William felt a weight lift off his heart. Seventy-five was the score needed to become a member. He had passed the impossible test. He closed his eyes, inhaled, and grinned. Then he said, “I’ve been thinking about that. Would The Deep accept me as a member without the brand?”

Onyx looked at him sideways. “Why wouldn’t you want the mark?”

“In the army, so many guys had tattoos. It didn’t matter what the tat meant—it didn’t matter how much symbolism was layered into the design—it never changed how they lived. I don’t want to rely on a lifeless mark to say what I believe; I want my life to mark me.”

“I see. For you, having no markings on your body symbolizes something.”

“I guess… Yes.”

“The only way to free souls is to burn the body: do you understand this?”

“Oh, that’s from…” William raked his brain “…Eugene’s blog! It’s about how you can’t be free unless you can forsake the whims and comforts of the body.”

Onyx typed on the computer.

“So, would The Deep accept me without the brand?”

“Remember neither the test nor the brand makes you a member of The Deep. You have to be one before that. You faced reality, set a course that you believe is good, and committed to it. That’s what we do as members of The Deep.” Onyx answered. “You’re not the only member who doesn’t wear the brand. One wears an O-ring on his wrist instead.”

“What’s his reasoning?” William asked and then looked again at the black rubber ring on Onyx’s wrist. He pointed to it inquisitively. “You?”

Onyx nodded but answered in the third person, “Maybe he doesn’t feel worthy of the brand.”

“But you’re The Arbiter. If you’re not worthy… You’re the one who decides who’s worthy!”

“Maybe that’s why. As Arbiter, I’ve met so many amazing people, people who’ve done so much more than me with so much less.” He tilted his head one way and then the other as if questioning himself. “Intellectually, I know I’m worthy even though I don’t feel it, but it reminds me that we’re never done, that there’s always room to grow.”

“True. I can’t settle for seventy-eight. That’s so close to eighty!”

Onyx smiled. He hugged William. “Welcome to The Deep.” Onyx grabbed his mask and turned to the door. “Can I treat you to dinner to celebrate?”

“Sure—I mean, yes!” William said but then asked, “When can I tell people—Abby—that I passed the test?”

“When you can say it without giving away anything about the test or my involvement in it.”

William nodded. He wanted to call Abby right now, but he wouldn’t be able to contain his excitement. Maybe tomorrow.

Onyx threw open the door and exclaimed, “Dinner and dessert on me! Let’s celebrate!”

Madelyn jumped for joy.

The other two shouted “Woo!” and “Let’s go, dude!”

 

Day 400 - Thursday

William still thought about Onyx. He hadn’t seen him since the test, but he could still hear his questions. They always pushed William to examine himself and search for truth. It was like the test never truly ended. Life was the test.